Sunday, December 26, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Hell !
Seriously, writing is not a gift, it is undeniably a curse, when you wanna write pain in your articles, you have to go through that pain again and again for each and every sentence you wanna describe it in your article. The worst part is that you need to imagine the worst thing that could happen to me / the character in my writings, being a very soft and compassionate girl, with no kind of violent history, peace lover, blood dissuader and very gentle and congenial to even my enemies, it is the most challenging job. I do not even imagine the sufferings of the people who hurt me. To be frank I am a cow. This part I hate it a lot. But I cannot deny it. It is after all what I am. The agony increases with the depth of it I wanna show it to a reader. My tears just pour out and out, my eyes rain, rain the water of salty. occasionally I feel I just cannot bear this pain. Nonetheless I write. Writing is so hard to resist for me.
This is a story that you will never get to read it in the books . . .
There's a Princess, Princess of Quenchy, the only daughter for the king of Quenchy, the great Sabastician. He is named for his generosity, every one feared him. His daughter was cursed. She is cursed to be happy only with the guy who truly loves her. She believes in fairy tales, she is good, sweet, innocent Princess.
This is a story that you will never get to read it in the books . . .
There's a Princess, Princess of Quenchy, the only daughter for the king of Quenchy, the great Sabastician. He is named for his generosity, every one feared him. His daughter was cursed. She is cursed to be happy only with the guy who truly loves her. She believes in fairy tales, she is good, sweet, innocent Princess.
What happens next, stay tuned to learn more..
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Symbiosis
Love is a durable fire in the mind for ever,
Never dead, Never sick, Never Old,
From itself there’s no turning back.
Well, since childhood I believed in love, do not know how It is possible I always believed the same for the term love, it is not my experience that taught me what’s the love, believe it or not. I just know, it is either a boon from God or Curse from God, honestly I do not know.
Love is of three types, I mean the word can be used in three different essence. It can be used for total three different meanings.
1. The love towards other human kind, in this genre we can hem in friends, relatives, or fellow subordinates. Well this is default love that is in every person, with different level of proportions.
2. The love towards your blood, in this genre we can enclose parents and siblings.
3. The love, only one and only love, that is selfless, and utterly unreasonable one, which is hardly seen in this world (not sure of other countries, but damn sure of India), mostly exists in only movies.
People say it is very Godly the love of parents, well I say, of course it will be Godly and it will be unbeatable, afterall it is your own blood. I am not trying to disparage the love of parents, strictly speaking, if at all I am given with a choice to make between parents and other person. Undoubtedly I will choose my parents without a second of hesitation. Of course I love them the most, they are the only ones I ever got. There is no doubt about my love on my parents. It’s blood, to care, love and endure. I bet there will be hardly couples who give the same amount of love to the orphans. I and you know how orphans are treated in this world. Well, I am augmenting this in here because I just wanted to depict that blood is all matters in parents love.
Love that born when a girl sees a boy / boy sees a girl. The love you fall in love, not the one you oblige to fall. A magic of love, mostly seen in movies. Well, this love, I believe it exists, but I am cursed; I got none. I have been never loved by a boy that selflessly, and that madly, and that deeply, and that truly who can give his life for me. Never, I was not gifted to even taste with that kind of feeling. I bet no one can even imagine the pain I possess knowing that I will be never loved by any one other than my parents. When they are gone, I am all alone in this world of trillions, none to love. It is the only part that freaks me out. Can you guess how much it sucks? One guy who can die for me, without any reason and without anticipating anything in return, so selflessly . . . I am cursed in this case. I miss to be loved, I miss to be pampered, I miss to be the special one who will get me stars in the sky merely for my single smile, I miss to be the only one, who matters to hm than anyone or anything. Undoubtedly and apparently I am not blessed with that one guy. I even lost hope to find my one. I know love and I don’t have one. Sucks, isn’t it?
I really do not know what it is to be in love with one stranger, I do not know what it is to continue life with your love knowing the peril in it, I do not know what it is to live a life just based on trust, I do not know what it is to choose a life without security, I do not know what it is to dare and go ahead from your parents for a stranger who claims to love you the most, more than your blood - parents, I do not know the touch of his hand when we are eloping, I do not even know how it is to run away from your home for your love, I do not even know what it is and how it feels if your true love proposes you, “I love you.”. I do not even know how will I be able to survive without love. This extant life is solely because of my parents love.
I always believed and always dreamed that one day I will get the one who loves me the most, now that both belief and dream is diminished. It’s rotting in my mind knowing that I will never be loved by a guy so selflessly accepting as I am, for what I am. The only life I am left with by my fate is to choose the life of symbiosis. In fact it is not a choice, it is the only option to me left in front of my life's path to choose by Almighty. Don’t want in, no way out. The only thing I hate the most, is now my only choice to survive. Only path I gotta travel is that path, path of symbiosis. Symbiosis, the irony of my life.
All I want in my life is the one who is the first one to come in my mind when I want to share some thing with anyone, and irony of my life is I will never get that one, not at least in this final phase of my life. I seee in my future only Symbiosis
Friday, December 17, 2010
My struggle for existence.
It's hard to wait around for something that you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up, when you know it's everything you ever wanted . . .
Every day I feel I am doing not so good, I am so much disappointed in me. Well, even if I work hard and do good, when I look back there's none to share it with, there's none to show how good I did today, and how great I was today, at the end of the day. The only thing creeps in my mind, the million dollar question, why the hell am I working so hard, hard and hard, when there is none who can appreciate my work? Why should I work, when there is none to understand why I work, and like my work? Why should I work, if there's none to criticize my work, the only one's words which matters to me - which means a lot to me, without his smile of appreciation or startle at my work I did today; why? Why should I?
My dreams are dead, my goals have slept, my life's hope is gone, why should even survive, for whom should I have to survive? Why should I improve myself, when it matters to none. I am all alone, in this world of people, none to hear me, none to feel me, none to understand me even when I am at the pitch of maximum. It is so suffocating, when you got none for you, for your heart to be close with, The one who means a lot to you, and his every word is your inspiration, is your life's destination, and is your ultimate motivation to excel.
We have many people in our life, but ultimately only one person means a lot to us, than ourselves, they mean so much to us that we even sacrifice from everything to anything, we do not even hesitate, and are always ready to keep our life in front of theirs. When that one only leaves you, the sweetness in life is gone, and life starts sucking. The worst part is, all of sudden, you got no goals, no hope, no aim, no destiny, no dreams to reach; disappeared just like that in a blink of eye. You got no happiness, all you got is abyss of sadness, which you have to swim. And there will be no land, you are just left in that ocean of sadness, none to rescue, not even with the hope of rescue boat, just to die swimming out.
We can swim for one week, latter when we are hungry and thirsty all we can do is Give up, get out from the hell of pain, it is the time we feel death is the mercy showered to us by God, we feel to relieve ourselves from this torture, and at last we stop swimming. We let Ocean claim our body, slowly the salty water takes our body, it fills every blood vessel forcing blood to wield out, then it enters your heart and makes it stop. Finally,
You are free, free from all that agony. It's so peaceful, and so soothing to heart's feelings. It is the best thing, the last glance of stars, and your eyes closing, Ha! I am the world. I am the air, I am the water, I am the earth, I am relieved of pain. When I imagine this I am so much compelled to Give up. It is tempting, and hard to resist, it is the only way for me as of now to reach the heaven and get out of the hell. But I fight it, do not even know why I am fighting it. It is welcoming me with His Siren song, calling my name with such a sweetness of honey to hug Him. But I am reluctant to hug Him, embrace in His arms, where nothing matters. Every one encourage me to fight Him without giving me a valid reason to resist Him, advice me to survive, but I wonder why? What for I need to survive? No answer, a very big blank, still the fight goes on, every second every minute, every hour, each day. I am not sure, for how long this will keep me alive.
Obvious to choose . . . only thing I am not sure is when I will lose this fight of existence!
Every day I feel I am doing not so good, I am so much disappointed in me. Well, even if I work hard and do good, when I look back there's none to share it with, there's none to show how good I did today, and how great I was today, at the end of the day. The only thing creeps in my mind, the million dollar question, why the hell am I working so hard, hard and hard, when there is none who can appreciate my work? Why should I work, when there is none to understand why I work, and like my work? Why should I work, if there's none to criticize my work, the only one's words which matters to me - which means a lot to me, without his smile of appreciation or startle at my work I did today; why? Why should I?
My dreams are dead, my goals have slept, my life's hope is gone, why should even survive, for whom should I have to survive? Why should I improve myself, when it matters to none. I am all alone, in this world of people, none to hear me, none to feel me, none to understand me even when I am at the pitch of maximum. It is so suffocating, when you got none for you, for your heart to be close with, The one who means a lot to you, and his every word is your inspiration, is your life's destination, and is your ultimate motivation to excel.
We have many people in our life, but ultimately only one person means a lot to us, than ourselves, they mean so much to us that we even sacrifice from everything to anything, we do not even hesitate, and are always ready to keep our life in front of theirs. When that one only leaves you, the sweetness in life is gone, and life starts sucking. The worst part is, all of sudden, you got no goals, no hope, no aim, no destiny, no dreams to reach; disappeared just like that in a blink of eye. You got no happiness, all you got is abyss of sadness, which you have to swim. And there will be no land, you are just left in that ocean of sadness, none to rescue, not even with the hope of rescue boat, just to die swimming out.
We can swim for one week, latter when we are hungry and thirsty all we can do is Give up, get out from the hell of pain, it is the time we feel death is the mercy showered to us by God, we feel to relieve ourselves from this torture, and at last we stop swimming. We let Ocean claim our body, slowly the salty water takes our body, it fills every blood vessel forcing blood to wield out, then it enters your heart and makes it stop. Finally,
You are free, free from all that agony. It's so peaceful, and so soothing to heart's feelings. It is the best thing, the last glance of stars, and your eyes closing, Ha! I am the world. I am the air, I am the water, I am the earth, I am relieved of pain. When I imagine this I am so much compelled to Give up. It is tempting, and hard to resist, it is the only way for me as of now to reach the heaven and get out of the hell. But I fight it, do not even know why I am fighting it. It is welcoming me with His Siren song, calling my name with such a sweetness of honey to hug Him. But I am reluctant to hug Him, embrace in His arms, where nothing matters. Every one encourage me to fight Him without giving me a valid reason to resist Him, advice me to survive, but I wonder why? What for I need to survive? No answer, a very big blank, still the fight goes on, every second every minute, every hour, each day. I am not sure, for how long this will keep me alive.
Obvious to choose . . . only thing I am not sure is when I will lose this fight of existence!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Isn't someone missing me?
I feel that you won't cry for my absence, I just know - you forgot me long back ago as if I am nothing. Am I that unimportant . . . ? Am I so insignificant . . . ? Am I so worthless . . . ? Isn't something missing in your life when I am out of your life? Isn't you missing me? Am I so cursed?
Even though I'm the only one who loved you so much, more than anything and any one, truly, madly and deeply, you won't try for me, not now. O my love! Though I'd die to know you love me and only me, and there is none in your life other than me, you just don’t care. I'm all alone, loneliness is creeping in my blood vessels, my love! Isn't you missing me when I am bleeding out here?
I just breathe deep and cry out loud, with the tears pouring and pouring, None to wipe my tears, they flow and flow into the ocean of sadness. "Isn't someone missing me?" I really know you won't just try for me, even though I am dying from inside day by day - my lifespan is decreasing Your absence is just drawing up the flesh off of me. Dirt and worm both have a claim on my body. Do you know how bleeding it is?. . .
I bleed out every drop of my blood in my body, knowing you just don't care. And if I sleep just to dream of you I'll wake without you there! So much of torture, how to show you my tears of blood, why can't you feel my love? What have I done to you except loving you from my heart and soul? This pain is so much deep, and so real, I am not sure if my wounds will ever heal. My love there are things that time cannot just heal.
I’ve been living a lie, every hour, every day, every minute, there’s nothing inside without you in my life, I’ve been waiting a thousand years; it seems that when I got to open my eyes I am totally without a thought, without a voice, without a soul; don't let me die here; just please bring me back to life. I am more than a piece of meat, with no spirit in it you took it away from me with you, I am only a dead meat with speechless eyes..
Save me from the nothing I’ve become now that I know what I’m without you, you just can't leave me and walk away from my life, breathe into me and make me alive. Bring me back to life. Give my soul back to me. Don't let me be a Zombie. My spirit is you, without you nothing is real. No wealth, no ruin, no silver no gold - Nothing satisfies me but your love. You are so much into my core, now that you are gone and no hope of you walking into me back, I choose the hug of Thanatas, loose myself - forget everything in his gentle arms . . . he's calling my name so sweetly!.
Even though I'm the only one who loved you so much, more than anything and any one, truly, madly and deeply, you won't try for me, not now. O my love! Though I'd die to know you love me and only me, and there is none in your life other than me, you just don’t care. I'm all alone, loneliness is creeping in my blood vessels, my love! Isn't you missing me when I am bleeding out here?
I just breathe deep and cry out loud, with the tears pouring and pouring, None to wipe my tears, they flow and flow into the ocean of sadness. "Isn't someone missing me?" I really know you won't just try for me, even though I am dying from inside day by day - my lifespan is decreasing Your absence is just drawing up the flesh off of me. Dirt and worm both have a claim on my body. Do you know how bleeding it is?. . .
I bleed out every drop of my blood in my body, knowing you just don't care. And if I sleep just to dream of you I'll wake without you there! So much of torture, how to show you my tears of blood, why can't you feel my love? What have I done to you except loving you from my heart and soul? This pain is so much deep, and so real, I am not sure if my wounds will ever heal. My love there are things that time cannot just heal.
I’ve been living a lie, every hour, every day, every minute, there’s nothing inside without you in my life, I’ve been waiting a thousand years; it seems that when I got to open my eyes I am totally without a thought, without a voice, without a soul; don't let me die here; just please bring me back to life. I am more than a piece of meat, with no spirit in it you took it away from me with you, I am only a dead meat with speechless eyes..
Save me from the nothing I’ve become now that I know what I’m without you, you just can't leave me and walk away from my life, breathe into me and make me alive. Bring me back to life. Give my soul back to me. Don't let me be a Zombie. My spirit is you, without you nothing is real. No wealth, no ruin, no silver no gold - Nothing satisfies me but your love. You are so much into my core, now that you are gone and no hope of you walking into me back, I choose the hug of Thanatas, loose myself - forget everything in his gentle arms . . . he's calling my name so sweetly!.
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