My struggle for existence.

It's hard to wait around for something that you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up, when you know it's everything you ever wanted . . .

Every day I feel I am doing not so good, I am so much disappointed in me. Well, even if I work hard and do good, when I look back there's none to share it with, there's none to show how good I did today, and how great I was today, at the end of the day. The only thing creeps in my mind, the million dollar question, why the hell am I working so hard, hard and hard, when there is none who can appreciate my work? Why should I work, when there is none to understand why I work, and like my work? Why should I work, if there's none to criticize my work, the only one's words which matters to me -  which means a lot to me, without his smile of appreciation or startle at my work I did today; why? Why should I?

My dreams are dead, my goals have slept, my life's hope is gone, why should even survive, for whom should I have to survive? Why should I improve myself, when it matters to none. I am all alone, in this world of people, none to hear me, none to feel me, none to understand me even when I am at the pitch of maximum. It is so suffocating, when you got none for you, for your heart to be close with, The one who means a lot to you, and his every word is your inspiration, is your life's destination, and is your ultimate motivation to excel.

We have many people in our life, but ultimately only one person means a lot to us, than ourselves, they mean so much to us that we even sacrifice from everything to anything, we do not even hesitate, and are always ready to keep our life in front of theirs. When that one only leaves you, the sweetness in life is gone, and life starts sucking. The worst part is, all of sudden, you got no goals, no hope, no aim, no destiny, no dreams to reach; disappeared just like that in a blink of eye. You got no happiness, all you got is abyss of sadness, which you have to swim. And there will be no land, you are just left in that ocean of sadness, none to rescue, not even with the hope of rescue boat, just to die swimming out.

We can swim for one week, latter when we are hungry and thirsty all we can do is Give up, get out from the hell of pain, it is the time we feel death is the mercy showered to us by God, we feel to relieve ourselves from this torture, and at last we stop swimming. We let Ocean claim our body, slowly the salty water takes our body, it fills every blood vessel forcing blood to wield out, then it enters your heart and makes it stop. Finally,

You are free, free from all that agony. It's so peaceful, and so soothing to heart's feelings. It is the best thing, the last glance of stars, and your eyes closing, Ha! I am the world. I am the air, I am the water, I am the earth, I am relieved of pain. When I imagine this I am so much compelled to Give up. It is tempting, and hard to resist, it is the only way for me as of now to reach the heaven and get out of the hell. But I fight it, do not even know why I am fighting it. It is welcoming me with His Siren song, calling my name with such a sweetness of honey to hug Him. But I am reluctant to hug Him, embrace in His arms, where nothing matters. Every one encourage me to fight Him without giving me a valid reason to resist Him, advice me to survive, but I wonder why? What for I need to survive? No answer, a very big blank, still the fight goes on, every second every minute, every hour, each day. I am not sure, for how long this will keep me alive.

Obvious to choose . . . only thing I am not sure is when I will lose this fight of existence!